To Live in the Light is to Live Without Fear

          In the wee hours of the morning, when insomnia has won our wrestling match and the thoughts in my brain spin round and round like a whirlpool, epiphanies can occur. Well, either they’re epiphanies or the musings of a madman. Either way, these revelations inspire me to write as a way to process my thoughts, and the theme that emerged this morning is fear.

           For decades, fear kept me from being who I truly am. It kept me in a closet, hiding my heart from everyone for fear of being rejected, or worse, beaten up or even killed. The church taught that people like me were an abomination, worthy of a horrible death. Gay people were not and still aren’t well tolerated in small towns in Texas.

           Fear kept me from running after my vocational dreams. From a very young age, I wanted to be an actor on television. I loved playing fantasy games, where I acted the role of the hero or his or her sidekick. I took steps to an extent by being involved in the drama club in high school and by taking theater classes in college. But the fear of not being able to make a living held me back. I went the practical route instead and got a job in an office. Yuck.

           When it came to speaking my mind, the fear of offending someone or causing conflict kept me silent. I often have strong opinions, and I feel that many of those opinions are valid, but I’m so afraid of rocking the boat that I usually keep my thoughts to myself. The unfortunate consequence is that I have not learned to advocate for myself well, which often makes me passive-aggressive. Lots of fun to be around.

           As a person of faith in God and a follower of the Christ way, I strive to keep my thoughts and actions in alignment with the values I feel are of God. That’s what made me think of fear and how it has impeded my development as a fully realized child of God.

           We associate God with light. In the book of Genesis, God says, “Let there be light.” All of creation emanated from God, and light was the first of God’s creations. Light is good. Plants need it to grow, we need it to be healthy, it keeps us warm. Without light, there is utter and complete darkness, which we associate with fear. That’s why I believe the opposite of love is not hate, but fear. God is love, therefore light comes from love. As light always conquers darkness, so love always conquers fear. The Christian Bible says that in 1 John 4:18. Hate is the result of fear, as is greed and lust and all other destructive attitudes we call sin.

           Fear is what makes Americans put their faith in guns instead of God despite the fact that we have an enormously high mass murder rate among our counterparts in the developed world. Fear keeps our cities and states from showing hospitality to the strangers at our gates, and even makes our leaders penalize those who do try to show hospitality. Read the story of Sodom in the Old Testament, then read Ezekiel 16:49 and feel truly afraid. God did not destroy Sodom because there were supposedly homosexuals there, as some Christians, Jews, and Muslims would have you believe, but rather because they failed to show hospitality to strangers in need. Americans refusing asylum to refugees and building walls on our borders are modern-day Sodomites.

           The fear of people whose skin is darker than our own has caused a centuries-long oppression of black people in America, an oppression that is often tragically acted out on young, black men, sometimes with deadly results.

           Fearing people whose gender identities don’t match their assigned sex has resulted in tragic, senseless acts of violence, too. According to the Human Rights Campaign, at least twenty-one transgendered men and women—nineteen of them people of color—have been killed so far in 2015 in the U.S.

           Sadly, I could go on and on about how fear has caused death and sorrow for so many. One cannot deny that racism, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, classism, Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, religious bigotry, and all other attitudes that result in division, hate, anger, and other destructive actions are rooted in fear.

           Those who fear live in darkness. While the light of God’s love might leak through the brokenness of their hearts from time to time, the darkness in there prevails, and fear rules. Greedy corporations and their lobbyists, and the politicians, lawmakers, and law enforcers who are their puppets, use fear to manipulate the masses for their own gains. Another mass shooting? Quick, go buy a gun to keep yourself safe from the terrorists and madmen. Immigrants and refugees taking your jobs away and living off welfare? Here, let me build a wall for you. And don’t worry, I’ll outsource the labor overseas so I can save myself some money. Same-sex marriage destroying the sanctity of your marriage(s)? Well, let’s put a stop to that…but I’ll need a donation from you to run my campaign.

           People who live in that twilight zone between full light and full darkness are especially vulnerable to the temptation to give in to fear. I know, because I’ve been there, and I still find myself there from time to time. Like a moth drawn to a flame, though, I want to always head toward the light. Unlike the poor moth, however, I will be purified by the light of God’s love. I will be able to see more clearly and come to a better understanding of what it really, truly means to be a follower of Christ.

           And the operative word in that previous sentence is “be.” God does not call us to do, but rather to be. To be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. I cannot be these things, though, if I live in fear. And being these things does not mean that I do not speak my mind, or pursue my dreams, or express who I am, or stand up for my views. On the contrary, living in the light and casting out fear means that we have courage from God to both be and do all that God knows we can. For me, it is the courage to stand up for justice, peace, tolerance, inclusion, compassion, and generosity. If our being is in the light, then the doing that results will draw others to the light. The darkness will flee, and so will the hate and bigotry and all other fear-based attitudes along with it.