The Stampeding Beast

Modern North Americans are not reluctant to discuss their health conditions. Indeed, the standard greeting in American English is “How are you?” Of course it is a rhetorical question, in most cases, with the usual “Fine thank you, and you?” response expected and offered by most. Still, the topic of one’s aches and pains and maladies is not taboo, especially amongst our aging population…of which I am now officially a member, according to the American Association of Retired Persons. And I am no different from most other people on the downhill side of fifty. I don’t mind sharing about my past surgeries, my routine medical procedures and exams, and how I creak and pop a little more than before whenever I get out of bed in the morning. While I wouldn’t share every detail of my entire medical history with just anybody, my mundane physical ups and downs are more or less an open book.

          But there are other medical struggles that many—perhaps most, if not all—human beings experience regularly, yet we hesitate to admit them. These common afflictions are less visible than the others, sometimes manifesting no outward signs or symptoms at all. But they take their toll nevertheless, leading to stress-induced illnesses that weaken our hearts, mess up our intestines, and affect our capacity to enjoy meaningful relationships with other people. I’m referring to mental illness.

          There is still such a strong taboo associated with mental illness in North America that many people would rather suffer in silence than admit their struggles. Look at how loosely we use the word “crazy” in our language, in both good and bad contexts: “You’re crazy, man!” “That cake was crazy good!” “I was crazy busy at work today.” With such a flippant attitude toward the concept, no wonder people hesitate to articulate that which afflicts them from within. It takes more courage to admit a struggle with mental health than it does to admit a physical ailment, no matter how serious. When someone suffers a physical problem, we blame the problem and empathize with the victim. When someone suffers a mental health struggle, we so often turn the blame on the sufferer. Why is that?

          In centuries past, people with physical deformities or birth defects or chronic illnesses were often said to be punished by God for their sins, therefore they were “unclean,” like the lepers and the hemorrhaging woman in the Bible’s New Testament. And people suffering from mental illnesses were said to be possessed by demons. Those were superstitious explanations for things the ancients couldn’t understand. While there is a remnant of people today who cling to such dark ignorance, even the most religious among us have accepted medical science’s explanations for the things that make us less than healthy. But the specter of that ancient stigma sticks like a tattoo that cannot be erased, thus we often label people suffering from mental illness as unclean. It is no wonder these victims so often keep their battles to themselves…all too often with tragic consequences.

          So it is not easy for me to state that I have struggled with a recurring mental health issue since childhood. It has vexed me for as long as I can remember, never becoming serious enough to interfere with my schoolwork or my jobs, never keeping me from doing the things that I really wanted to do, and never leading me down paths of addiction or self-medication with drugs and alcohol. And yet, it wakes up from dormancy occasionally and goes on a rampage, sort of like that herpes virus I somehow got on my lip in second grade that pops up as a cold sore sometimes when I get sunburned or have a fever.

My anxiety attacks, however, come more frequently than the cold sores. I’m not sure what triggers these episodes; anything and everything, I suppose. This month, August 2014, has been awful: the death by suicide of Robin Williams; the barbaric execution of American journalist James Foley; the suffering of thousands of Christians and other minorities in Iraq at the hands of a brutal extremist group. And these are just a few of the news-worthy items. There are the ongoing stressors, too: my dad is almost ninety; his house has been on the market for a year now; I’m living on my savings as I transition my career; I’m learning technological things many Americans now learn in middle school; the demands my church makes on me increase the longer I attend there; the inescapable contact with people who stress me out. And then there are stressors that I actually volunteer for, such as participating in my church’s drama performances, and taking online classes. There is no single stressor that sets me off, but a collection of small, everyday events and circumstances and people in my life that just pile up on my back until I feel I’m at the breaking point.

          Sometimes it literally feels like a pile of bricks on my back, squeezing my neck and shoulders until they hurt. And the constant feeling of dread in my stomach creates mild gastro-intestinal distress that is annoying and depletes my energy. I have no doubt that my condition affects my blood pressure adversely, and that it causes disturbances in my sleep patterns and affects my metabolism.

          So now that I’ve “come out” as an anxiety sufferer, many concerned friends and relatives will ask, “What can I do to help?” If I knew the answer to that question, I would have already helped myself. And I have a master’s degree in counseling, so I already know what therapists would recommend. I know that exercise, rest, good nutrition, hydration, prayer and/or meditation, and other healthy practices are beneficial for coping with anxiety and other mental health issues. But if you really want to know, here are some suggestions:

1.     Please don’t tell me what I should be doing. I already know that, and when you tell me what I should be doing, it reminds me that I’m not doing it, which sends me into an even deeper tailspin and makes me feel all the worse about myself. Instead, ask me, “What are you doing to cope with your anxiety?” Then if I give you a positive response, you can ask, “How can I help you with that?”

2.     If you sense that I am stressed, please don’t make more demands of me. People like me have a hard time saying no, and that contributes to our stress. Ask me what you will, but don’t expect an immediate response. Give me some time to reflect and respond later. If you must have an answer now, then the answer is “no.” Accept that and please don’t try to convince me otherwise. That will just make me feel more pressured, then I will feel angry, then I will blame myself for feeling angry, then I will retreat and the tailspin will continue.

3.     There are some situations, people, and environments that I find stressful, even under healthy circumstances. Noisy, crowded places are an example of a stressful environment. Boredom, monotony, and repetition stress me out. Whining, complaining people set me off. Of course I recognize that many people whom I find to be stressful are themselves experiencing some sort of mental distress. But when I am feeling vulnerable, I am not the best company for them. That’s not beneficial to them or to me. Please understand when I need to separate myself from these stressors during a time of vulnerability.

4.     My quirks and eccentricities will be magnified during an anxiety episode. For example, I naturally get bored with repetitious activities, so when I’m feeling stressed, I may have even less focus than when I’m in a less anxious state. Please be patient. I may not do things in the most efficient or logical way from some viewpoints, but they will get done, in my way and in my time.

5.     I slip into the grip of my inferior function when I feel stressed. This is Myers-Briggs Type talk, but what it means is this: I am naturally an intuitive-feeling-perceiver (NFP), which means I take in information intuitively, express it emotionally, and act on it holistically and spontaneously. My inferior function, however, is sensing-thinking-judging (STJ). That means if I feel stressed, I will hyper-focus on only that which I can perceive with my five senses, overthink the hell out of it, and then be all anal-retentive about organizing the details to absolute closure. Not me at my best. If you see me doing that, just ask me simply, “Inferior function?” Then help me get back on track to doing what I do best as an NFP: trusting my gut, feeling things out, and going with the flow.

Talking about what’s going on in one’s head is good therapy itself. Some people pay hundreds of dollars per hour to a counseling psychologist for that, others much less getting their hair done or having a margarita. [Note: a competent counseling psychologist is trained to guide the client with effective questioning techniques and insightful comments, so they are worth what they get paid]. Journaling or blogging about it is helpful, too; I feel better just by writing this and explaining about my struggles, what helps and what doesn’t, and what it’s like to experience anxiety on a semi-regular basis.

I know I’m not alone in my struggles. Anxiety is as common as cold sores. Just about everyone gets it to some degree or another. And hundreds of millions of people around the world have circumstances in their lives that are much, much more stressful than mine, so I acknowledge that I am blessed and I am grateful for those blessings. Yet gratitude and humility and concern for the deeper suffering of others won’t completely eradicate my own bouts of anxiety. This may well be something that will afflict me my entire life, as it has some people very close to me. But it doesn’t have to control me. I can corral this beast and keep it contained as much as possible. And perhaps in discussing my own struggles, I can encourage someone else who is suffering in silence to name their beast, face it head on, and ultimately contain its tendency to go on a rampaging stampede through their inner landscape.

Personality, Intelligence, and Learning Style

“The only journey is the one within.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

            I have long been a fan of personality inventories and typology. Maybe it’s because I’m a people-person and fascinated by how incredibly different we all are. Or perhaps it’s due to my own natural personality inclinations. I don’t know when exactly I first discovered personality assessments, but I’m guessing it was sometime after my undergraduate years. Probably it was when I returned to college to earn my teaching certificate and took an educational psychology class. Whenever it was, since then I’ve been hooked, so I thought I would share a few of the personality, learning style, and intelligence inventories that I like.

            Probably one of the most well-known personality inventories is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. Devised by Katherine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs-Myers in 1962, the assessment is based on the psychological theories created by Carl Jung. Since then, it has been tested and validated worldwide and has grown to become one of the most widely used personality inventories in schools, workplaces, and therapist offices. In short, the assessment identifies where in a dichotomous spectrum one’s personality lies in four areas: Introverted-Extraverted, Intuitive- Sensing, Feeling-Thinking, and Perceiving-Judging. I won’t go into detail here, but if you’re interested in learning more, visit the website of the Myers & Briggs Foundation at http://www.myersbriggs.org/. There are also lots of free, informal assessments based on the MBTI available online. While not scientifically validated, something like that would be a good way to introduce you to the concept, and later when you can take the official assessment, you can compare results. I’ve taken the official assessment at least twice, and many informal assessments, and I always show the same results: Extraverted (meaning I get my energy by being with other people), Intuitive (meaning I gather information more on a gut level than with my five senses), Feeling (which describes the way I process the information I gather), and Perceiving (think “go with the flow,” and “open-ended;” those words describe a Perceiver). The most balanced people are those who score about midway in each dichotomy, but there’s nothing wrong with being strongly one way or the other. For example, I have some Introverted and Judging tendencies, but I am almost off the charts when it comes to being Intuitive and Feeling.

            Another typology I like is the one developed by John L. Holland, who researched the fit between a person’s personality type and her career choice (to sum up, people who choose careers that are a good fit with their personality types are the happiest with their work…Duh!). I would never recommend a Wikipedia article to a student doing research for a paper, but for general information, it’s a good go-to website, so check out the article on Holland Types there: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holland_codes. Most assessments based on Holland types will show the respondent’s top two or three dominant types. My top two are Artistic (the Creators) and Social (the Helpers). I’m expressing both in this blog post, using my artistic side to write, and my social side to teach readers about something I believe is useful and interesting. Teaching is a good profession for me because it engages both my Artistic and Social traits. My tertiary type is Investigative, which means I enjoy finding out things.

            In 1983 American psychologist Howard Gardner proposed that human beings actually have a spectrum of intelligences in different areas, and that everyone is intelligent in at least one area. While many psychologists have criticized Gardner’s work for various reasons, many educators have embraced it because it values variety in human thinking and reasoning. In my opinion, perhaps “intelligences” is not the best term to use, but rather “talents.” This gibes with my own spiritual beliefs that each person has at least one natural gift, or talent, which can be identified and developed. According to one assessment, my strongest intelligences are musical, social, and linguistic. Seems to parallel what I have previously described about myself in light of MBTI and Holland types, eh? Oh, and in recent years, some Gardner enthusiasts have suggested that existential, or spiritual, intelligence be added to the spectrum. I agree with them that there are some folks who are just naturally predisposed to pondering the big questions of life and connecting with the more ethereal realities of our universe. Don’t be alarmed, though; Gardner posited that all people have some degree of each intelligence. For example, my lowest intelligence is logic/mathematical. That doesn’t mean I can’t do math; it just means it’s harder and less relevant for me than it is for someone who is naturally predisposed toward it. So don’t accuse me of claiming that some people will be lost for all eternity because they haven’t been gifted with existential intelligence. It just might require more work for them to process and experience the concepts of God and Holy Spirit or whatever other cosmological philosophy they ascribe to. If you’re interested in knowing your own intelligence types, visit www.literacyworks.org and take their free online assessment on multiple intelligences, which is based on Gardner’s work.

            Finally, for anyone interested in learning (as we all should be, no matter what stage of life we’re in), it’s helpful to know about one’s learning style preferences. One common learning style model used in education is VARK, which stands for Visual, Aural, Reading/writing, and Kinesthetic. There are various free online assessments available to help you find out your own VARK preferences. Here’s one: http://www.vark-learn.com/english/page.asp?p=questionnaire. I myself learn best with reading/writing and visual cues. For example, if you’re giving me directions, what works best for me is a turn-by-turn list (reading/writing) and a simple map (visual). Most US education environments emphasize learning through aural and reading/writing means, but educators and trainers are learning how to engage various learning styles when they facilitate learning opportunities for their students. As an educator, I’m challenged by helping kinesthetic learners engage the content of lessons. It’s not too difficult in a small class or workshop, but in a room full of seventy-five people or more, it can be a challenge. One trick is to offer to let learners hold something that they can manipulate quietly while they learn, e.g. a ball of modeling clay or a squishy toy. Even doodling is a way kinesthetic learners can “move” while they learn.

            To understand ourselves better is to understand others better, and understanding others connects us and helps us build bridges instead of barriers. Knowing oneself isn’t all that hard, but it does require work, and that work, I believe, is worth the time and energy put into it. I like how Jennifer Aniston puts it: “Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place.”