A Letter to Religious Conservatives

A letter to religious conservatives, especially Christians, concerning the recent ruling by the Supreme Court of the United States overturning state bans on marriage equality for same-sex couples:

          As I and other supporters of marriage equality celebrated the Court’s decision, you reacted with a wide range of emotions, from indifference, to disappointment, to sadness, to outright anger. Most of your emotions are fear-based. We expected that of you because fear seems to be the modus operandi of most conservatives.

          However, let’s take a moment to play the “what-if” game. I’ll go first. What if you’re right, and I’m wrong. Come to find out, sexual and affectional orientation is, indeed, a choice, and I have chosen wrongly. On judgment day, when I stand before my Maker—who apparently creates everyone with the capacity for this choice—I will be judged for having chosen to spend my life with a member of my own sex; for having loved and cherished him until death separated us; for enjoying life’s ups and enduring its downs as equal partners in the journey. I will be judged for believing those verses in the Bible (which we both respect and revere, by the way) a bit too literally. You know, the ones that say “Two are better than one…” and so on (see Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 for the whole bit). I will be judged for having forced a good man into my family and having adopted his family as my own. You know, like Ruth did with Naomi. I will be judged for advocating politically for the same rights and responsibilities as opposite-sex couples, so he and I could share our resources more completely and not have them taken away by the state or by greedy family members (not that either mine or his would; they are not like that, thank the Lord) in the case that one of us predeceases the other, and so we could make medical decisions for each other and have hospital visitation rights like opposite-sex married couples. I will be judged for having kissed him hello and goodbye and sometimes for no reason at all. I will be judged for having held his hand and hugged him close. And yes, I will be judged for having had some fantastically fulfilling monogamous sex with him despite the fact that neither one of us could make the other pregnant without a miracle even greater than the Virgin Birth. God will say, “Depart from me, ye worker of iniquity! I never knew you!” Because that’s what God says to everyone who goes to hell, right? Am I on track here? That is what you conservatives believe, right? I should know; I spent the first quarter century or so of my life surrounded by the likes of you.

          OK, your turn. Let’s pretend I’m right and you’re wrong. Sexual/affectional orientation is not a choice; gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people are, indeed, born that way, and God loves us just the way we are. God is much more concerned with how well we’ve loved than with whom we’ve loved, and the Bible does not, after all, forbid same-sex marriage. What will you be judged for? You will be judged for your part in perpetuating centuries of exclusion of LGBT people from your religious communities. You will be judged for lumping them into the same categories as idol worshippers, child molesters, and animal rapists; I’m pretty sure that violates the ninth commandment. Remember those? You like to post them on public property and then forget the ones about stealing and adultery and coveting and so on. You will be judged for your complicit participation in the violence that your less self-controlled counterparts have inflicted on LGBT people because they saw your vitriol and took that as permission to commit horrendous acts against LGBT folks. You will be judged for the thousands upon thousands of LGBT youth who found themselves on the streets after their families learned who they were because those families believed their precious children were an abomination. The blood of LGBT children and teens who killed themselves rather than endure the constant bullying at school and at home will be on your hands. You will be judged for having believed a lie based in misogyny perpetuated by patriarchal religious hierarchies. You will be judged for not having loved others as Christ first loved you. You will be judged for having judged others with often very harmful consequences.

          Remember, this is just a game. And let us heed the words of the Apostle Paul and remember that “…now we see through a glass, darkly.” The fact is that probably neither side of this argument is completely right or completely wrong. Maybe God does like opposite-sex marriage only, or maybe God likes it better than same-sex marriage, or maybe God doesn’t give a rat’s ass about marriage. Jesus did say in Matthew 22 that, like the angels, people won’t be married in Heaven. If marriage is such a big deal to God, then why won’t there be marriage in the afterlife?

          Allowing same-sex marriage will in no way whatsoever affect opposite-sex marriages. The United States is the twenty-second country on the earth to extend civil marriage equality to same-sex couples. None of the others have burned in fire and brimstone. Does that mean that God only cares about American politics? How arrogant to presume so! God doesn’t love America! God loves Americans…and Chinese and Koreans and Japanese and Brazilians and Kenyans and all the other people of all the other countries on this planet we all share. God loves people. And gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered individuals are people loved by God and worthy of dignity and respect.

          Those of us who profess to follow Christ will be judged according to how we have treated “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40). We will also be judged for how well we’ve loved our neighbor as we’ve loved ourselves. Aren’t people who are excluded and reviled among the least of these? Aren’t LGBT people your neighbors? Aren’t we all called to love one another, without condition or exception?

          If fear truly is your modus operandi, then you need to let the love of Christ into your heart. Christ’s love is perfect, and “…perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:18). If, however, you claim to “love the sinner but hate the sin,” then I challenge you to really get to know a same-sex couple. Visit their home. See how they live. Hear their stories. Eat with them. Laugh at jokes together. Play some board or card games. Attend movies and sporting events and concerts and plays together. Meet their families. Maybe even visit the churches and places of worship they attend and see how their congregations worship and fellowship.

Beware, though: conversion and transformation are likely to occur, and you might be surprised at whose heart will be changed.