The Paradox of Love

English writer and lay theologian G. K. Chesterton once said that “a paradox is often a truth standing on its head to get our attention.” The human brain has difficulty wrapping itself around paradoxes because they don’t seem to make sense to us. In fact, one definition of the word paradox is “a statement contrary to received opinion” (freedictionary.com) and accurately reflects the word’s Greek origins (para meaning “beyond” plus doxa or “opinion”).

Father Richard Rohr of the Center for Action and Contemplation in New Mexico says that the contemporary mind has almost no training in dialectical thought processes or how to think paradoxically. Without getting too esoteric, think of dialectical thinking as seeing all sides of a concept and forming your own opinion after seeing the concept in its entirety. For example, I believe X and you believe Y, but after we discuss our viewpoints rationally and logically, a third viewpoint, Z, emerges. Here’s a lighthearted example: I have the opinion that Star Trek is the best science fiction franchise ever. My friend believes that Star Wars is. We discuss our differences of opinion logically, amicably, yet passionately. But the end result of our discussion is that I have new perspectives on Star Wars and he has new perspectives on Star Trek that enlighten and inform our mutual love for the science fiction genre.

Sadly, when it comes to differences of opinion in matters of faith, conversations are not usually so lighthearted. In fact, millions have died over the centuries because of human beings’ inability to embrace paradox and apply dialectical thinking to concepts to which many people have a very strong emotional attachment. In the past, Catholics believed X, and Protestants believed Y, so unscrupulous political and religious leaders capitalized on that conflict so that power and wealth would remain in certain hands while innocent people on both sides perished. At this very moment in Iraq, one sect of Muslims wars against another and forces non-Muslims in the way to choose sides, leave their homes, or die. We all know that the real motivators of such conflicts are not theological; they are political and economic.

I hold a distinction between faith and religion. To me, faith is a relationship or personal connection with that Eternal Something that is bigger/better/more powerful/kinder/more loving than I. I call that Eternal Something God because I come from a Judeo-Christian tradition. Yet my concept of God has grown from a patriarchal rule-enforcer to a more comprehensive, expansive concept based primarily on my mature understanding of the person of Jesus who, in my opinion, was the most complete personification of God. Religion, on the other hand and in my opinion, is the construct that grew from the human mind’s need to explain things and create order and control. It is easier to enforce rituals and rules and pass down traditions than to model for others what being in good relationship with the Creator entails. Human beings are naturally lazy, I think, and we like to be told what to think and do rather than think for ourselves. It’s also safer, because in the end, if what we thought or did was wrong, we have someone else to blame. If we think for ourselves, we have no one to blame but ourselves. That’s a very scary prospect for some who think of their God more as a punisher of sins than a lover of humankind.

Yet, therein lies the paradox, right? The God that gave all the laws and the “thou shalt nots” also said that the rules don’t matter as long as you love me [God] and each other, because that love will logically motivate you to do what is right by me [God] and each other. Wow, even my master-degreed brain has trouble with that one!

So, the meaning of the universe is love, but love makes absolutely no sense. As Mr. Spock in my beloved Star Trek universe would say, “Love is not logical.” It motivates us to take care of the weak and frail when obviously they are not strong enough to survive on their own. It causes us to strive for peace and mutual understanding when we all know that there will just be some people who never see eye-to-eye. It drives us to think of the health, safety, and welfare of all human beings at the expense of being labeled “socialist” and compels us to share our resources, giving of our time and money, and in some extreme cases, even our lives (a huge shout out of gratitude to men and women who work in public safety, be it the military, the police, first responders, or others who risk their lives for the safety of people they don’t even know).

Faith in God is full of paradoxes: a 99-year-old man having a baby with his 90-year-old wife; a man with a stammer acting as God's spokesperson; a teenaged virgin birthing the Savior of all people in all times in a stable. All of these are contrary to received opinion: elderly men and women do not procreate; people with speech impediments do not serve as spokespersons; virgins do not get pregnant; and certainly the King of kings would not be born in a stable.

On paradox and faith, Father Richard writes: "Each of us must learn to live with paradox, or we cannot live peacefully or happily even a single day of our lives. In fact, we must even learn to love paradox, or we will never be wise, forgiving, or possess the patience of good relationships. 'Untarnished mirrors,' as Wisdom says, receive the whole picture, which is always the darkness, the light, and the subtle shadings of light that make shape, form, color, and texture beautiful. You cannot see in total light or total darkness. You must have variances of light to see." Think about that: the space between black and white is not gray; it is all colors of the spectrum. It is a beautiful space where a Technicolor God waits to meet us, to reason with us (Isaiah 1:18). It is the place where the rainbow of the truth of God and all of God’s truths are to be found.

          What paradoxes has God brought into your life to move you into that space between black and white to reveal God's colorful truth to you?