EXPLORING PERSONALITY

When I was a child, I became interested in personalities once I was old enough to understand that I was a Sagittarius, with a personality distinct from the other eleven zodiac signs. I didn’t put too much stock into the description at the time because I didn’t feel it really fit me. Then again, probably none of the descriptions really fit me because my personality was still taking shape. My dad, a level-headed pragmatist, did believe that one’s birth sign could have an influence on one’s growth and development because he firmly believed in planting his garden crops according to the signs in the Old Farmer’s Almanac (and his garden always yielded an abundance despite his investing little time and effort in it). In his mind, if the arrangement of the stars and the planets could affect the development of a plant, why not also a person? 

In college I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for the first time. I believe my results may have indicated Introverted-iNtuitive-Feeling-Perceiving at the time, but I can’t remember for sure. Throughout the years I’ve taken the assessment multiple times, both officially and unofficially, and each time the results indicate clear preferences for Extroversion-iNtuition-Feeling-Perceiving. 

More lately I’ve learned about the Enneagram concept of personalities. I’ve only taken an Enneagram assessment a few times, but I’m pretty consistent in demonstrating that I’m a Type 7, the Enthusiast.

I know that personality psychologists mostly debunk all of the above paradigms, except perhaps for some who give the MBTI the credit it’s due. Still, I find it fascinating that now in my 60’s, I can see clear alignment among these three personality indicators. Even my results on the Five Factor Traits of Personalities, which is more widely accepted by personality psychologists, aligns with my zodiac, MBTI, and Enneagram descriptions. According to the Five Factor model, my strongest preferences are for Openness, Extraversion, and Agreeableness. My weakest? Conscientiousness. I chalk that up to my restless, independent, exploratory nature.

I asked ChatGPT to tell me what my zodiac, MBTI, and Enneagram personality preferences have in common. Following is what it gave me:

ENFP (Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving), Sagittarius, and Enneagram 7 all share a common energetic, adventurous, and free-spirited nature. Here’s how they align:

1. Love for Freedom & Adventure

• ENFPs thrive on spontaneity, new experiences, and personal growth.

• Sagittarius is known as the explorer of the zodiac, always seeking knowledge, travel, and expansion.

• Enneagram 7s are "The Enthusiasts," constantly chasing excitement and avoiding boredom.

2. Optimism & High Energy

• ENFPs are naturally enthusiastic and see possibilities everywhere.

• Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, the planet of optimism and abundance.

• Type 7s are known for their upbeat attitude and ability to reframe negatives into positives.

3. Restless & Easily Bored

• ENFPs can struggle with long-term commitment and need variety.

• Sagittarius is notorious for being noncommittal, always looking for the next thrill.

• Enneagram 7s avoid pain and discomfort by seeking distractions and new experiences.

4. Deep but Playful Thinkers

• ENFPs may seem lighthearted, but they have deep philosophical sides.

• Sagittarius loves intellectual discussions, especially about meaning and truth.

• Type 7s are curious and love diving into new ideas, though they may not always follow through deeply.

Overall, this combo is full of life, thrives on possibilities, and seeks excitement, meaning, and joy at every turn.

I can honestly say that I agree with ChatGPT’s summary 100%.

1. Love for Freedom and Adventure: While I in no way consider myself to be a risk-taking thrill-seeker, I do love new experiences and cultural adventures. I also abhor tight schedules and rigid rules. Give me flexibility and room to explore and do my own thing in my own way in my own time.

2. Optimism and High Energy: I channel the spirit of Pollyanna, the indefatigable look-on-the-bright-side girl in the famous story by Eleanor Hodgman Porter and the eponymous classic Disney film. I can find the silver lining behind almost any cloud. And while I’ve never considered myself “high energy,” my mind—especially my imagination—seems to be constantly turning and spinning with ideas.

3. Restless and Easily Bored: Absolutely me. I loathe long car rides and flights, waiting rooms, queues—you name it. If it eats up my time, I don’t like it. The only lines worth waiting in are for something really, really worth it to me. Some might call me a scanner, constantly surveying the horizon for the next new, interesting thing to focus my attention on.

4. Deep but Playful Thinkers: As I said above, my mind is constantly turning with ideas and scenarios. I adore “What if” questions and have always been a ponderer. Even as a child, I was somewhat of a spiritual seeker. As an adult that manifested in becoming a strong fan of franchises such as Star Trek and Star Wars. Don’t ask me how I know, but I just know that we’re not alone in the universe, that cryptids are real, and that magic exists. OK, I don’t know know, but I have very strong hunches about things and enjoy digging into the mysteries of the multiverse.

In my opinion, personalities are something deeper than mere neuroscience can explain. To me, they represent an aspect of ourselves that I would call spiritual, and that’s what makes them hard to measure with pure science. My personality is the essence of who I am, that piece that makes me recognizable and distinct, both in positive and negative terms. The positive aspects are my strengths, like optimism, imagining possibilities, seeking wisdom and knowledge, and seeing connections between people, things, and events. The negative aspects, like becoming easily bored and constantly shifting my attention among things, keep me humble and remind me that I’m not perfect and will always have something to work on.

If you’d like to know more about personalities in terms of MBTI and Enneagram, head over to www.truity.com for some free assessments. The free reports will be enough to get you started on your self-exploration journey, and the paid reports are inexpensive and more detailed. Just remember, any general personality assessment is merely a tool to help us understand ourselves better.

I hope you enjoy getting to know yourself as much as I have enjoyed my own journey of self-discovery and growth through personalities.

MJ Isham

March 2025

Bless Your Heart

I have always struggled with Romans 12, verse 14: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.”

As a child who was bullied, and as a gay man who has been victim to countless microaggressions, I would like nothing more than to squash persecutors like the nasty little bugs they are.

As a Christian, though, I know that murder would not be a very Christ-like thing to do. But as a Southerner, I am quite good at blessing someone’s heart (if you’re from the South, you know exactly what I mean).

And so, dear persecutor, bless your heart. May God bless you with an abundance of empathy so that you can experience the blessing of feeling what others feel when they suffer.

Dear persecutor, bless your heart. May God bless you with the gift of poverty so that you might experience the blessing of learning to be fully reliant on God and the generous people she has placed in your life.

Beloved persecutor, bless your heart. May God bless you with illness that you cannot afford to treat so that you may experience the blessing of not taking a single moment of life for granted.

Family-focused persecutors, bless your heart. May God bless you with brothers, sisters, and children who are LGBTQ so that you can be directly blessed by their courageous journeys to simply be their authentic selves.

Dear persecutors with penises, bless your heart. May God shrink and dry up that tiny little appendage that you proudly call your manhood so that you might experience the blessing of knowing what true manhood is all about.

Dear melanin-lacking persecutors, bless your heart. May God place you in a setting where you are the minority, so that you may experience firsthand the blessings of cultures, traditions, and beliefs different from your own.

Oh, poor spiritually blind and deaf persecutors, bless your heart. May God speak so clearly and loudly and forcefully inside your heart and into your ears and right before your eyes so that you are unable to deny that you are a beloved child of God, created in God’s own image, and therefore have a God-given responsibility to recognize and honor that image as it is found in the infinitely divine diversity of humanity known as your neighbor.

There. I have obeyed Romans 12, verse 14. I have asked God to bless my persecutors with empathy, faith, trust, understanding, and full self-awareness. And may God bless me with the same, in whatever measure God knows I need.

Bless my heart.

Chosen Name

       I’ve wrestled with this post for a long time, for years, even. But it's been about 30 years in the making, and this camel’s back has finally been broken, so it’s time for me to say it:

I no longer want to be called a “Christian.”

That name has been sullied by white evangelical Americans who promote a false teaching of prosperity, domination, and socio-political control. They have blasphemed the name of Christ by treating “the least of these” with disregard, disrespect, and mental, emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even physical, abuse.

If I am to be an effective witness to the gospel of Jesus the Christ in this world, I cannot have the people to whom I am trying to share the Good News associate me with the mean-spirited population that comes to their minds. The population that denies science, demeans women and girls, speaks and acts violently towards LGBTQ people, rejects the immigrant, looks down on the black and brown children of God, and puts their wealth and power above the very words of Jesus the Christ, whom they claim to worship but whom they consistently blaspheme with their words and actions.

From now on, I wish to be called a Follower of the Way of Christ. I will look to the words and actions of Jesus the Christ as we know them in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. All other scripture has its value within its historical, cultural, and linguistic context, but too much divisive doctrine and dogma have arisen from people’s opinions on those scriptures. Even Jesus’ words are subject to interpretation, but His message is clear: God loves you and desires your love in return, and God desires you to love others as you love yourself. Anything else is a distraction.

The Bible says that God has written God’s Word in our hearts. We need but search within to know the truth. Too many white evangelical Americans are allowing the lies and manipulations of a very un-Christlike group of people—and one individual, in particular—to overpower the voice of the Holy Spirit that is in their hearts. That makes me both sad and angry, for how many souls who need to know the true Good News of Jesus the Christ will never receive it because they think to be a Christian is to be hateful, mean, judgmental, and concerned mainly with individual power, control, and wealth.

I will continue to do my best to love God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I will continue to do my best to love my neighbor as myself. That’s all the doctrine I need. It’s not easy to do, especially when I feel that God is not near, that God does not care, or that God may even be a lie. It is not easy to do when my neighbor is hateful, violent, selfish, greedy, and harmful.

But I am constantly reminded that God is Love, and wherever love is, God is. Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. Those who love are born of God and know God, whether they acknowledge what is in their heart is God or not. If their hearts are full of love, then God knows them.

The one whose heart is full of love bears the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.

White evangelical Americans have traded all these truths of God for the lies of white men who seek only their own good and the good of those who like and support them.

But I take heart in the words of Jesus, when he preached the sermon on the mount: “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” Not the rich and powerful. Not the proud and boastful. The meek, who find their power in persisting in peace and humility. In the end, they will thrive while the powers and dominions turn to dust.

As a Follower of the Way of Christ, my emphasis is on living rightfully as a child of God in the community of all creation. I reject doctrine and dogma. Jesus had neither. He only showed love, mercy, and compassion to the least of these. I will strive to have a childlike faith because Jesus said we have to become like a little child to experience the realm of heaven. Children are uncorrupted by religion and politics. They, too, have no doctrine or dogma.

       The ones Jesus criticized most were the religious leaders, who had allied with empire to assert their own authority and control over people. He prayed to God, he worshipped God, and my hope in God is in Christ. I seek to do as Jesus did, and to speak words of mercy and love to those who need them most, as He did. May God help me to make it so.

Some reading this will respond with “amens” and “hallelujahs.” To you I say go in peace and power. Find your loving, Christ-following community and be comforted and grow strong in the Spirit. Some will roll their eyes and scroll on. To you I say, I hope you someday discover the light of God that you already carry in your heart, for you are created in God’s image. God has saved you, and that is Good News.

       But some will respond with judgment, telling me I am backslidden, a heretic, an apostate, and lost in spiritual darkness. I know who you are, because I used to be you. To you I say, get the plank out of your own eye before you pick at the speck in mine. Shut your mouths and disconnect from your devices long enough to hear what God—and not the deceiver—has to say to you in your hearts. If your heart is full of love, you will hear God’s voice. If your heart is full of anger, fear, and greed, the voice you hear will not be of God. And the words you speak will reveal your true thoughts and intentions to the world, for out of the mouth [or the fingertips] proceed the contents of the heart.

Do good deeds. Speak good words. Care for the poor and the oppressed. Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly with God. In community, build societal systems that will empower you to do this good in the world, for that is what God expects of us.

       Go and live in the Light of God’s Love, for the light of love is more powerful than the darkest of darknesses.

Why I'm probably going to hell (according to evangelicals)

Recently a woman I don't even know, who had never, ever communicated with me before, sent me a private message on social media explaining that I couldn't be gay and Christian and that if I didn't repent, I would burn in hell for all eternity. While I don't know this woman personally, she is the relative of a relative (one whom I barely know). But from what I do know about that family, I can assume with some confidence that they are conservative, evangelical Christians.

I never really considered myself an evangelical Christian, even though I have been involved with evangelical churches in the past. But because of those affiliations, I can understand where that line of thinking comes from. Evangelicals are notorious for being mean-spirited toward LGBTQ people (among others). So as I grew in my self-awareness, I grew in my understanding of God and Christ and grew further away from evangelical circles. Praise God for that!

Despite my growth over the years, her comments still bothered me. Then I started thinking about all the other reasons an evangelical would say I am bound for hell, and I realized I'm doomed by their standards on many points. So here's a list of other evangelical reasons I'm probably going to hell:

• I sometimes use she/her/they/them pronouns for God.
• I sometimes use mild profanity and even drop an F-bomb now and then (but I never use Jesus or Christ as swear words).
• I believe women and girls have the right to make their own reproductive choices.
• I believe loving guns is incompatible with the teachings of Jesus. 
• I believe there will be people of other religions, or no religion at all, in God’s close company in the hereafter. 
• I believe there will be Christians who will NOT be in God’s close company in the hereafter. 
• I believe sex outside of marriage is acceptable in some situations. 
• I believe if alcohol and tobacco are legal, then why not marijuana?
• I believe the love of money (and the power money brings) really is the root of all evil. 
• I believe in justice for the poor and the oppressed, and my voting habits reflect this belief. 
• I believe racism is a sin. 
• I believe for some people, their biological sex and their gender identity don’t align in a binary way. 
• I believe heaven and hell are states of being rather than literal, physical places. 
• I believe that the God who is Love will never, ever give up on a soul and will wait an eternity for that soul to find their way to God. 
• I believe that Christ is the Word of God, and not the Bible. 
• I believe the Bible is full of symbolism and figurative language—that’s what makes it timeless and universally relevant—and to take its words literally and out of context is not only stupid and lazy, it is dangerous. 
• I believe in the complete separation of church and state. 
• I believe school libraries should be filled with all kinds of age-appropriate books, and children should be free to read what they want with a librarian’s guidance. 
• I believe parents should mind their own damn business when it comes to public education unless they have advanced degrees in education. 
• I believe no one in this country—or in the world, really—should be unhoused, hungry, or unable to access quality healthcare. 
• I believe national borders may be against God’s will for humanity. 
• I believe science and critical thinking are gifts from God and are absolutely compatible with faith. 
• I believe the truth of God can be found in unexpected places: a Buddhist temple, a Sufi poem, a Wiccan ritual, a Jewish prayer—any place and any time the Light of Love is invited and embraced.

Now, I know that not every evangelical Christian relies on guilt, fear, and intimidation to spread the gospel (or their particular brand of the gospel, which in my opinion is anything but good news). And I may be picking at a speck while ignoring a plank. But God is Mystery, and God is Love. To reduce the gospel to a set of literal do's and don'ts that no one can fully live up to negates the very work of Jesus on the cross. When He said, "It is finished," I believe he meant all those do's and don'ts. And the rest of the Christian scriptures are pretty clear on that. The gospel is now available to all, no matter who you are, how you identify, or what you've done in the past. What matters is that you love God as completely as you can, and you love your neighbor as yourself. Those who do are close to the heart of God, a beautiful place of Light and Love. Those who don't are farther from the heart of God, a cold, lonely, dark place.

Let me ask you, evangelical: Are you living in the Light of that Love? Or are you so riddled with guilt and shame or the desperate need to control others that you deflect your feelings onto the scapegoat du jour, which today is mainly LGBTQ people, just so you can feel more righteous about yourself? Why do you feel that God wants you to possess instruments of death? Why do you think God loves America more than any other country? Why do you seem to hold the U.S. Constitution in higher regard than the words of Jesus? Why do you love unborn fetuses more than the women who bear them? Why do you hoard wealth for yourselves while your neighbor goes homeless, hungry, and ill? Why do you deny facts revealed by the scientific process? Why do you seek to control others and take away their freedom (in Christ!) to be themselves and to think for themselves and to work out their own salvation in their own way?

None of us are perfect, but it is in our imperfections that we more fully experience God's grace. As a gay man, I have an understanding of that grace that I wouldn't fully understand if I were straight, because then I would just be another straight, white, cis-gendered man, meaning I would be among the most powerful in this society. And Jesus is quite clear that God chooses the weak and vulnerable to embody God's grace and accomplish God's purposes. Perhaps I am gay because God needs LGBTQ people to teach others that all are welcome at God's table, just as they are. Perhaps I enjoy a good marriage to another man as an example of how relationships for LGBTQ people aren't that different from those of straight people. I don't know. My story isn't finished yet. But I won't let your judgment and condemnation stop my story from unfolding. God is doing a good work in me. Will you open your hearts and minds to God's expansive, inclusive love so God can do good works in you, too?

Discerning Spiritual Truths Infographic

 

Discerning the Truth

 

            The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines discernment as “the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.” Certainly in this age of constant media streams on phones, computers, and televisions, it can be hard to discern what is objectively true, from what is subjectively perceived to be true, from what is completely fabricated by those with nefarious intentions. For a thinking follower of the Way of Christ, the task of discerning the truth can seem insurmountable. However, those who desire to live in the Light of Love can look to five lenses through which to filter information for the truth.

            The first lens is Scripture. What does the Bible say about the topic we seek to understand better? Who wrote about it? To whom were they writing? When did they write about it? And in what language? These historical, cultural, and linguistic contexts in which the letters and essays that came to be canonized as the Bible—and here I refer to the Protestant Christian Bible; there are other canonizations held dear by other followers of the Way of Christ—these contexts are vital to an accurate interpretation of what those words meant to the people who read them in the time they were written, and what—if anything—they mean to us today. To hold that the Bible, or one’s particular favorite version of it, is the inerrant word of God and to be interpreted literally is a dangerous hermeneutic, deconstructing the texts to simple words on a page—words translated into English by a very human scholar, by the way—and removes the rich symbolic and transcendent meanings that the three contexts provide. One cannot discern the truth when one does not have all the information provided between the lines by historical, cultural, and linguistic context.

            The second lens is Reason. Throughout the history of Christianity, unscrupulous church leaders intentionally kept their congregants ignorant, using Latin as the lingua franca of the church and upholding secret and mysterious ceremonies of which only a privileged few were allowed knowledge. Women and lower-class men were subjugated to blindly follow these leaders like simple-minded sheep. They were deceived into supporting campaigns and wars that were nothing more than grabs for power of the wealthy and powerful, and never were they encouraged to think for themselves. Those who did were sometimes punished by death. But God gave us brains and intellect; and even Jesus discussed things with the Pharisees and teachers of the Law, and with Nicodemus on a rooftop by night. Jesus spoke in parables and stories which required people to think about what He was saying and not just take His words at face value. So why wouldn’t God expect us 21^st-century followers of the Way of Christ to use our gift of intellect to discern what is true? Gaining knowledge and education is always a good thing. Those who are afraid of the enlightenment that comes with education are afraid of the Light because it might show their flaws to others, and then they would be challenged to change. And change is scary and uncomfortable. Think of the first Christian men who encouraged their wives and daughters to learn to read. No doubt it was a risky endeavor: What if my wife decides she doesn’t need me and leaves? What if my daughter becomes rebellious? What if they both become smarter than I am? What if the other men laugh at me or call me weak? OK, but what if your wife and daughter become stronger, more independent, and work to make the world a better place? What if other men see the value in allowing women to think for themselves and thereby enrich their marriages and their family lives? Reason requires intellect, and intellect is a gift from God. If we do not use our gifts, God promises to take them away from us and give them to others who will use them. Your brain is where the essence of who you are resides. Make it a nice place to live and fill it with the Light of Truth.

            Tradition is the third lens. This pairs well with Reason because understanding tradition requires understanding history, which requires good critical thinking. Knowing how those who’ve come before us discerned truth in other, similar contexts enlightens our own efforts to discover the truth. Of all the lenses, this probably requires the most effort on the part of the individual. One has to dig through church history, discuss with church elders and authorities, perhaps make and compare notes, and then arrive at a conclusion. It’s hard work, but growth does not occur without effort. Lazy followers of the Way may give up at this point, but I encourage them to keep seeking the truth as it is revealed in the history of the church. I also encourage open-minded followers to look to other traditions for truths, for if something is true here and now, it is and was true there and then, as well. God has been revealing God’s self to all of humanity throughout time and in all places. The Bible indicates this is true, even claiming that creation itself is enough to make humanity aware of God’s goodness and grace (Romans 1:20).

            The fourth lens is the one I personally believe to be the most valuable for me, and it is Intuition. What does that still, small voice have to say to you? I believe that mystics from all traditions, in all places and times, who sincerely seek to know the truth of God arrive at the same or very similar conclusions by simply turning inward and listening for God’s voice within. They package it with language and symbols from their own culture, traditions, and languages, but it is essentially the same thing. We artistic and creative types understand this well. The more concrete thinkers among us seem to struggle with this approach. But the desert Mothers and Fathers, those early spiritual seekers who removed themselves from civilization to more clearly discern God’s presence, understood the value of listening to the inner voice. Buddhist monks get it. Sufis get it. That truck driver from Wyoming who spends more weeks in the year alone in her truck than with other people, who arrives at her own conclusions about who God is and what God wants for her, gets it. And this isn’t just a trait of introverts, artists, and those who spend lots of time alone. Many world leaders understood this. Lots of professional athletes and celebrities understand it. That man next door who’s always ready to lend a helping hand gets it. These are the people who hear or read something that doesn’t seem right for some reason, and while they may not be able to articulate their reasons for feeling so, they know in their hearts that God is telling them that what they’re reading or hearing either isn’t entirely true or is a flat-out lie. These are the people that cannot be easily misled by a charismatic leader, or a riled-up peer group, or a flashy news channel that profits on spreading anything but the truth.

            The fifth and final lens in my approach to discerning truth is what God and Jesus are all about, and that is Love. In any situation, when discerning what is true and good and the best course of action to take or belief to hold, for me as a follower of the Way of Christ, I look to what is ultimately the most loving course. This is the greatest quality a follower of the Way can possess, and it is the one clear indication that an individual lives in God and God in them, for God is Love. It is also the most difficult lens to apply. Interpreting Scripture is fairly easy, what with volume upon volume of sources to draw from. Reason, too, is fairly easy to apply; anybody with a brain can utilize that tool. Tradition is accessible to those, like me, who have a long history of church affiliation. And Intuition is constantly present, sometimes loudly and uncomfortably so. But applying the lens of love requires me to forget myself, to put aside my pride and my ambition and my fear, and to look at what Love Itself would do or think in my place. For as a follower of the Way of Christ, am I not called to embody the Way, which is love? It is easy to talk about and write about, but it is extremely difficult to practice because of my selfishness and self-centeredness, which in my belief system is “sin.” Love calls us to live in peaceful and harmonious community with everyone, for we are all connected by Love. Discerning that truth is the beginning to actualizing the Kingdom of God among us which Jesus spoke of.

            These five lenses—Scripture, Reason, Tradition, Intuition, and Love—are my filters for discerning truth as a follower of the Way of Christ. The opinions of mentors, teachers, role models, elders, and significant others are valuable, too; but in the end, I decide for myself what is true for me with God’s guidance and help. And overarching all of those is Love. May Love shed light on the truth for us all. Amen.

A Tribute to my Mother

This is a picture of my mother, taken shortly before she passed away of a heart attack in March 1998. She would have been 95 today. To this day, almost 22 years after her death, I can see her face and hear her voice in my memory. Occasionally I see her in a dream.

Her name was Alice Lorraine, named for Alsace-Lorraine in France, where her father had been a U.S. soldier in World War I, years before she was born. Going by her middle name, Lorraine—we called her Mama, her siblings and their children called her Sis—was a very kind-hearted person. She cared deeply about other people; so deeply, in fact, that her empathy often led to worry, which kept her up at night. She was not an angry or aggressive person—she hated guns, war, and meanness in any form—but she wouldn’t have hesitated to kick the ass of someone who was trying to hurt one of her kids or grandkids. I don’t remember her ever saying anything racist, although we are all products of our places and our times, so having grown up in rural poverty in central Texas, she probably inherited attitudes that she no doubt tried to work past in her own way. When I studied Spanish in school, she encouraged me to practice it whenever I could with Latinx friends and classmates. And when I brought my college roommate, a Mexican-American, home to visit, she showed him her best hospitality. She showed that same hospitality to a Japanese exchange student whom I befriended (in Spanish class, no less) despite having lived through World War II. She taught me not to be afraid of intellectually challenged or disabled people and to show concern for the elderly; she always showed compassion to the weak and vulnerable. Her faith was more about how to treat others in a way that God would like than about having the right set of beliefs and doctrine. She wasn’t a feminist, but she questioned sexist standards that had no justification (like women not wearing pants in church). She loved her family and her friends, but she extended that love to strangers who she sensed needed it. She appreciated kindness from others, no matter who offered it. And despite having dropped out of high school, she used her head to distinguish fact from fiction, truth from bullshit. She loved her country but didn’t wrap herself in the U.S. flag. She expressed her patriotism by voting for the candidates whom she believed would best help the poor and the oppressed. And she loved animals, even though my father was reluctant to have any on their property.

Mama could have turned out to be a much different person because of the suffering she experienced in her childhood, but she didn’t let that early experience define her. She could have taken on what we now call middle child syndrome—she had two older brothers and two younger sisters—but instead she became the unifier that seemed to hold the siblings together through time. Only one of the five is left now. A childhood of deprivation didn’t lead her to be a greedy adult, but instead instilled in her a generous and self-sufficient attitude. By God’s grace and her own determination, she did the best with what she had and left a positive legacy, remembered lovingly by all who knew her.

The man I am today is so much like the mother I remember. I must have inherited my empathy from Mama, because like her, I feel the pain and suffering of others, and it sometimes keeps me awake. My faith and my politics are driven by a desire for justice for the poor, the oppressed, and the suffering. I, too, hate guns and violence and aggression; yet like Mama, I will kick the asses of people who refuse to wake up to their own hurtful attitudes and ways. Like Mama, I vote with my heart. I do my best to express hospitality to strangers (read “those who are different from me”) because she and I both understood that to be what God expects of us. She was pretty good at discerning truth from bullshit, and I think I am, too. And like Mama, I am more concerned with the right way to show God’s love to the world than I am with denominational doctrine, which all too often gets co-opted and corrupted by greedy and selfish leadership.

If Mama were alive today, I believe she’d be proud of who I’ve become. I know she’d love my husband because of his kind, gentle, generous, and strong nature. She’d love our two dogs. She’d be proud of the new home we recently moved into. She’d be proud of the work I do with college students, especially those with personal challenges and who come from poor backgrounds like hers. I know she’d love all the other elderly people in our church. She’d approve of the ballots I cast in elections. She’d be happy to know that I’ve become a better cook and housekeeper, that I eschew a messy house as much as she did but that I don’t obsess over it (although my husband might disagree with that statement). She would love hearing me and my husband sing in the church choir and perform duets. And she’d be happy knowing that my love is not reserved only for my own family and close friends, but also extends to strangers and even people across the globe whom I’ve never met.

God expects us to honor our parents. I believe the best way to do that is to take the best they gave us and make it even better in our own lives. Mama, you truly gave me your best when you were with us. And you are still with us because I know you are with God, and God is with us. I hope you know you are still loved, still missed, and that you continue to make a positive impression on me.